I would go down on you faster than GM stock
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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