I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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