party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You took a bar mat shot.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
