I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
