if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
