Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
