I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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