I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
