pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
