Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
