I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
