I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
