So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
