i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
