That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
