i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
