Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
