a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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