pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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