my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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