i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize