I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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