Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
