Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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