Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
