There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
