The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
