I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
