honey bunches of taint.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
