I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
