You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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