people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think my moral compass just broke
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