I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
