Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
