Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
