my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
