I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
