every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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