i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
