your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
