I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
