And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
