I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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