Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
