im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
