All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
