Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
