he shaved USA in his pubs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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