so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize