just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
