eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
