So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
