highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
