i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
