i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
