i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
