Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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