Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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