I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sext me about skeletons
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
