The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
