Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
