The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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