I'm really into asian looking animals
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
