I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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