Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
