Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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