btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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