how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
then he tried to convert me to islam
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
