me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
