Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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