Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
